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Post Con Letter

This is an email I set to someone who contacted me after GenCon about writing for me. This is a person I barely know and only know from GenCon. The interaction happened in a Writer Symposium room just between panels. I was up at the front, preparing for the next panel. There were about 50 attendees in the room.

This is not a letter I should have had to write and, honestly, I'm still pissed about it. But, I did write it and I hope that this writer gets the message on how to act towards people in the industry.

Hello [Censored],

I am feeling better. However, I feel I need to say a couple of things to you.

You did not interact with me in a professional manner and that bothers me. Whether or not the convention is a fun hobby for you, it is part of my job. Not accepting me telling you stop kissing my hand is completely unprofessional and out of line. More than one person noticed and more than one person commented to me about it later.

Also, on a completely personal level, I am angry that you completely disregarded my answer of why you should stop kissing my hand of "Because I'm married." with a flippant "So?" This disrespect for me, my husband and my marriage makes me furious. It should not happen. The response to "Because I'm married." is not "So?" it is to nod, step back and offer an apology.

I know you did not mean anything by your actions but they were inappropriate, especially in that setting. Should we meet again, I expect you to accord me the same respect you would any other business peer.

Thank you,


( 31 comments — Leave a comment )
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Aug. 19th, 2009 03:47 pm (UTC)
Ooof. That's really unfortunate - hope it all shakes out OK in the end.
Aug. 19th, 2009 03:49 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that's a clear not-okay situation.
Aug. 19th, 2009 04:01 pm (UTC)
So did he kiss Jay Lake's hand next?

Not a cool guy at all.
Aug. 19th, 2009 04:01 pm (UTC)
I would expect at least a very friendly-flirtatious hand kiss at something like a renaissance festival where people were having fun in character, but not at a convention where you're trying to have a professional relationship with someone, and certainly not to the point where you told them to stop and they didn't. That's absurd, and you're much kinder than I would have been about it. I hope that the issue is resolved, or at the very least, that you don't have to deal with this guy again.
Aug. 19th, 2009 04:03 pm (UTC)

Ah, conventions where too many people make the assumption that physical boundaries are lowered and polyamory is rampant.
Aug. 19th, 2009 04:18 pm (UTC)
Well who knows if that was what they were really thinking. Male gamers who have no idea what behavior is appropriate are rampant.
(no subject) - cuddlycthulhu - Aug. 19th, 2009 04:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wyld_dandelyon - Aug. 19th, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - cuddlycthulhu - Aug. 19th, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wyld_dandelyon - Aug. 19th, 2009 09:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - cuddlycthulhu - Aug. 19th, 2009 10:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - cuddlycthulhu - Aug. 20th, 2009 06:43 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 19th, 2009 04:14 pm (UTC)
So to carry on in such a manner and then to ask to write for you. Priceless.
He definitely made a memorable impression, just not the kind he should have.
Aug. 19th, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)
Um. Hope we get into geographic proximity and I can get us both rather large beers and I can tell you what happened with Jay Schwartz that sent me retiring from both the convention chair for Leap Con and ever having a thing to do with him again.

Why yes, it DID have something to do with both us being married - to OTHER PEOPLE - at the time. Funny, that.
Aug. 19th, 2009 04:18 pm (UTC)
I wish I could be surprised. I really, really do. *sigh*
Aug. 19th, 2009 04:18 pm (UTC)
Obviously that person has not learned that not all reputations are good ones to make... There are reasons why you do NOT want to be remembered.
Aug. 19th, 2009 04:19 pm (UTC)
Aug. 19th, 2009 05:16 pm (UTC)
And that icon is the business!
(no subject) - mariadkins - Aug. 19th, 2009 05:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 19th, 2009 04:20 pm (UTC)
You should have removed your hand and slapped him with it. He crossed the line, you'd just be reintroducing him to it.
Aug. 19th, 2009 05:16 pm (UTC)
That's really rather silly and I think your response is warranted. I also think it's good because he might just learn from it.
Aug. 20th, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC)
Aug. 19th, 2009 05:33 pm (UTC)
Wow. How incredibly unprofessional.
Aug. 19th, 2009 05:40 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that's a little creepy and stalker-like. Hopefully this letter will straighten him out.

Aug. 19th, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC)
Okay, so for me the fail is not his response to your question of why he should stop kissing your hand. The fail is that he asked at all. Because, "Stop [doing physical thing to me]," should be answered with, "Okay, I'm sorry, I won't do it again," not, "Why?" WHY? Because it is my body and not your body and I told you not to AND THAT IS ALL THE WHY YOU NEED.
Aug. 19th, 2009 07:05 pm (UTC)
You are right. He should have stopped when I told him to and not asked why. I would have reacted stronger if I had not been in a professional setting and needed to keep my cool for my professional reputation and for the sanity of my husband. He saw the look on my face and came charging but by then I had defused the situation. I'm glad of that. Slapping the man or having my husband punch him would not have done me or my husband any good in that situation. Thus, I defused it and responded like I did in email when he contacted me.

But, I know, I should never have had to get to the point of saying stop because I'm married. He finally stopped when I said something along the lines of "I don't like what you're doing. Let go."
(no subject) - mrissa - Aug. 19th, 2009 08:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
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( 31 comments — Leave a comment )