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The Ides of March

I went to the Rainforest Village Writers Retreat, wrote over 13,000 words, got a short story fixed by listening to one of the speakers talk about "perfect endings," and figured out some huge things about me in my writing while listening to Ken Scholes talk about self awareness and writing. First, I've stopped doing most writing that does not have a contract or a specific market in mind. Second, I've become a little afraid to work on big fiction projects on my own because they don't pay. Third, I really needed to chat with my husband about the first two because, somewhere along the line, my mind had decided that if I wasn't working on "for pay writing" that my husband would get upset at me. Don't know why. Just know is.

So, I went home and chatted with my husband about this self revelation, knowing (hoping) that he would laugh at me about it (but fearing I was somehow correct—I wasn't) and got his explicit permission to write whatever the heck I want to write, when I want to write it, for however long it needs to be, even if it does not pay. Because, as he told me, "Really, hon, it's your personal writing that is going to make it big and turn me into your trophy husband."

That's my love. I'm the luckiest author in the world. He supports me and my writing.

I tell you that to tell you this. Today, we got back from the taxman. This year, we were expecting to have to pay taxes. It wasn't the total gut punch that it was last year. Yep, another 4-digit tax bill despite prepayment of taxes. It still hits you though. My anxiety and freak-a-tude about money is in high gear. But we're covered. Being a fulltime freelancer sucks in the tax department. I swear, the next finance book I write will be "Finance for Freelancers."

In the car on the way home, Jeff said something that basically amounted to, "You've paid your dues this year already. You're covered. You don't have to worry about money until 2011." Essentially, he gave me permission to take the rest of the year off to "just write" if I want to. Seeing as I have a couple of contracts right now and at least one more scheduled for May, that won't happen until after that. But, the very idea that I could decide to work on just my writing for half a year is intoxicating and terrifying.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I doubt I'll take all that time off. But, I might take some time off for all the convention stuff between August and September. I have to think about it. In the meantime, I'm going to shove my emotional turmoil into a bit of retail therapy and buy myself a new purse.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
xjenavivex
Mar. 15th, 2010 07:24 pm (UTC)
That sounds really exciting. Do you have any ideas that you would like to plug in to that time frame?
kmarkhoover
Mar. 15th, 2010 08:21 pm (UTC)
I absolutely love this idea mainly because it fits with my own philosophy toward writing. You go! :)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )